everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
