There was a lot of him and a little penis
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
