Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Randomize
