Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
When are your genitals available?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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