I want to have your abortion
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
