Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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