All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
