I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
