I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
