If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
