I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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