dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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