someone threw a dead crab at me
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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