He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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