so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He felt like a one man threesome
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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