So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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