don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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