I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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