you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
