We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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