So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
