they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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