Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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