I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
