um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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