the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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