I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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