At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
