That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
