also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
