my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
