"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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