if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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