You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
