I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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