his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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