I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize