We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
