I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
