she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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