i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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