So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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