you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
