Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
