he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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