I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
