I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
