She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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