I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
