Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
