now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
