I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
