I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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