You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize