so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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