dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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