They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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