If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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