Michael Bay diarrhea
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
