I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
