mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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