Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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