I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
