The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
