In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
