New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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