I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
