When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Are we still banned from the library?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
