Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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